I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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