I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
