I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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