12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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