The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
