just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
