she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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