come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
