I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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