He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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