he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
