I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
