Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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