he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
