I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
