Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am naked and annoyed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
