Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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