WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
