I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
