She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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