im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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