you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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