alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
