A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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