I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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