My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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