I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
