direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
