Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
