I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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