Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
