You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
