Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
