i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
