My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
