rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
