My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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