u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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