Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
