I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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