i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
