Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
