I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
