I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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