Fuck appropriateness.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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