Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
