I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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