Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
