Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
