I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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